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So, like, a bunch of stuff

Ummmm so I left Toronto, moved to Bracebridge to live with my boyfriend and his inlaws, ran a store in a small Muskoka town for the entire summer and most of the fall, started horseback riding again after a 15 year hiatus, then I moved for a few months into a real rented art studio space, then got engaged, then bought a house in that same small Muskoka town, moved the studio over into it, and we are currently renovating it to turn it into a store on the main floor/apartment and studio upstairs.  It's all expensive and scary but I think it will all pay off in the end.

That's been the last year, in a nutshell.  Deeper thoughts on aspects of that still to come.
Dear friends,

If I am ever dating a total fucking moron, someone you think I am wrong with, someone who is plainly mistreating me, disrespecting me, or making me unhappy... Please tell me.  Please tell me in plain, indisputable words, to DTMFA.  I get caught up in things, and often the worse they are for me, the more I get sucked in and don't see a way out.  Getting real quiet when I talk about the guy, or expressing vague doubt to me, won't do it.  I value your opinion, and if I truly am happy with a person, I trust you not to express your disapproval.  But if I'm unhappy, compromising on too many things, or being an apologist for unacceptable things... I need to hear it said to me CLEARLY.  This person is wrong for you!  And I know it's a very hard thing to tell a friend.  But sometimes... sometimes they need to hear it from someone else to make that change.  I'm a master at gaslighting myself in my own relationships.

Anyhow, PSA done.  And thank you.


Sometimes I am not so smart.

[8:40:42 PM] Biskuits: Just a mo--gonna play bingo with someone XD
[8:41:24 PM] Inkspace: swell!  :)
[8:42:01 PM] Biskuits: I dunno how I feel about this game XD
[8:42:49 PM] Inkspace: actual bingo??
[8:42:59 PM] Biskuits: Haha, I will let you know
[9:18:34 PM] Inkspace: E17!
[9:18:40 PM] Inkspace: O5!
[9:18:54 PM] Inkspace: I23!
[9:23:14 PM] Biskuits: Haha, nope!
[9:25:11 PM] Inkspace: aw, I don't get a bingo?
[9:27:01 PM] Biskuits: You only have three columns
[9:27:03 PM] Biskuits: D:
[9:27:19 PM] Inkspace: why did I put an E in there?
[9:27:31 PM] Inkspace: DIES OF SNORTY LAUGHTER
[9:27:39 PM] Inkspace: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
[9:27:44 PM] Inkspace: DIES AGAIN
[9:27:54 PM] Inkspace: ...
[9:27:56 PM] Inkspace: STILL DYING
[9:28:18 PM] Inkspace: ...I can't breathe
[9:28:20 PM] Inkspace: aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
[9:35:29 PM] Biskuits: HAHAHAHA
[9:35:33 PM] Biskuits: I DIDN"T EVEN NOTICE
[9:35:35 PM] Biskuits: WHAT THE HECK?
[9:35:40 PM] Biskuits: THAT'S AMAZING
I really wanted the seeming excess of police in riot gear with fancy new toys and new search and arrest rights to prove to be a giant, super-expensive overreaction. Way to ruin it for everyone, window-smashing, fire-setting, stone-throwing assholes. And way to take all the press away from protesters who actually had valid messages to communicate. Nice work out there today. Real nice.

(Cross-posted from my Facebook.)
Not that I or anyone should be surprised.  Why do I subject myself to this?  Oh, right.  Because I'm bored and I don't have cable.

So TODAY on Dr. Phil, the topic was his boast that he could "negotiate ANYTHING".  Right, this is going good places.  I mostly tuned it out, but one couple, and that assbag's handling of the situation, made me want to throw things and punch the TV.

Their issue: organ donation.

A woman had herself signed up for the donation, in the event of her death, of every part of her body that was viable for medical transplant.  But her husband was "uncomfortable" with it, so Dr. Phil had him say what parts in the donation process made him most uncomfortable, and had the wife agree to alter her donor status so that those parts wouldn't be harvested.

Yes, that's right.  Pick your jaws back up.  THAT is what transpired.

No "Your wife's body is her property, and hers to do with in death, as in life, as she sees fit.  Now here's a video montage of people telling us how their lives where improved or even saved by the donation of organs and tissues by wonderful people like your wife."  NO, that didn't happen.  There was no defense WHATSOEVER of this woman's RIGHT to use her body, in death, to help as many people as possible.  No crucial iteration of the fact that, as his wife would be DEAD and her parts would be USELESS and WASTED if she altered her donor status to make him feel less "uncomfortable".  NICE WORK ASS HAT MCGRAW, YOU LAZY FUCK.

I'm sure the people the wife was willing to help with her organ donations sure are happy that her husband feels less "uncomfortable" now.

Not to mention the LITERAL OWNERSHIP of the woman's body being partly awarded to the husband here.

*gets too angry to finish this entry and books tickets to LA so I can repeatedly hoof Dr. Phil in the groin IN PERSON*  D:< *

*Okay not really.  But thinking about it is cheering me greatly.

Drowning, not waving!

Because honestly, my current situation sucks, as I've been far too accomodating lately.  For which I have only myself to blame.  So, from now on...


I will not do unpaid favours.

I will only do unpaid work if I choose to do it under my own initiative.

I will only take on underpaid work if there is no fixed deadline, and only if I believe I can learn or gain something from the project.  This is not usually the case.

I will not take on more than one underpaid job at one time.  I will not put them in a queue.  If one is already in progress, the answer is automatically no.

I will not break these rules -- especially not due to peer pressure or guilt. 

Asking me to do an unpaid or underpaid project is equivalent to me asking you to take unpaid time off work because of a personal project that I want to see done.  I would not ask that of you.  Please don’t expect it of me. 

If I turn down a project that you propose to me, it is not me disrespecting you as a friend.  It is my need to devote my time to actually earning an income which, as a freelancer, is exponentially more difficult than it is for people in secure nine-to-five jobs.  My time working at home is not “time off”.  It is the time I need to develop my skills, learn how to market myself, and earn an income.  My work days at home are often 12 to 16 hours long. 

So.  Them’s the rules!  Now if I can only stick to them myself. 


Stupid internet arguments.

Okay, so this giant blog argument exploded because Amanda Palmer collaborated with another musician on a fun, if somewhat dark, fictional concept album about a pair of conjoined twin sisters who were also musicians.

Somehow, this undertaking has offended THE ENTIRE WORRRRRLD with its supposed ignorance and how HIDEOUSLY OFFENSIVE it is to disabled people everywhere.

Say it with me: "Huhhhhhh?"

Despite my better judgment, I decided to participate in the shit storm on the blog. Below are some of the highlights from arguing with the most brittle and prickly, unimaginative politically correct people conceivable.

Argument #1:

Steph [Moderator] 1 day ago
People take things too seriously. If you didn't offend at least someone, then you wouldn't being doing your job properly.

pensata [Moderator] 1 day ago in reply to Steph
this is incredibly simplistic. people exist within social contexts, with certain power relations. there's a difference between offending a straight/white/protestant/financially well-off/educated/non-expolited cismale (because his story isn't being privileged, as an example), and offending disabled feminists, who see the same stories perpetuated about women, disabled people, and women with disabilities every day. offense for offense sake is not useful - it matters who is offended, and why.

EdenBee [Moderator] 1 day ago in reply to pensata
I'm not sure I follow.
As a straight, white, (Atheist), financially-not-destitute, educated, and arguably non-exploited person, I am actually offended by how you're generalizing my demographic. You talk about us as though we cannot possibly understand a point of view other than our own because we've just had it so easy. That generalization is in and of itself offensive, and is perpetuated every day too.

pensata [Moderator] 1 day ago in reply to EdenBee
for the record: i am a white, economically secure, educated, able-bodied person. these are just a few of my privileges, up front, so you know where i'm coming from. i do not consider myself *bad* or *incapable of compassion* due to these traits (clearly), but they do locate me in a certain position. now, on to my actual response.
i am not calling you, edenbee, out. i am saying that there are people with certain privileges who rarely *have* to step outside their comfort zone and understand another person's perspective, if they don't want to. this often has to do with the intersection racial, gender, financial, etc. privilege.
it is a phenomenon that exists. it is real. privilege is a widely-accepted concept in social justice movements. please don't take it as a personal affront; rather, it is a way of describing someone who often has an easier time in our society, in some measurable, quantitative instances, and of highlighting, on the flip-side, someone who is "Othered" as a result of not having any, some, or all of these qualities as well.
(check out 'unpacking the invisible knapsack', by peggy mcintosh, for a variation on this theme.)

EdenBee [Moderator] 23 hours ago in reply to pensata
I'm all for breaking down and analyzing texts (of any kind). My university background is in English and Fine Art, so I'm used to approaching art, fictional writing, essays, etc., with their social implications in mind.
However, just because a text lends itself to this type of breakdown and analysis, and one can find negative points and messages within it, doesn't mean that it shouldn't exist, or that it should be modified to eliminate those elements. It seems to me that many people on this board are actually trying to censor Amanda. I'm all for analysis. People can develop their own theories and theses on the project, and if that theory is that it's ableist, then that's one reading.
Never once have I written an essay on a work of fiction, pointed out a gender-biased or otherwise biased reading of it, and then felt the need to actually WRITE TO THE AUTHOR to tell them that I was shocked and offended and that they ought to change their work because of my reading of it. That's not the purpose of interpreting a text. And it's disrespectful to the author of the text, and to the text itself, to approach it that way.

pensata [Moderator] 8 hours ago in reply to EdenBee
1. you didn't respond to my earlier comment on privilege, and your privilege allows you to make this kind of argument.
2. joseph conrad (as an example) did not have a facebook page, twitter, and blog where he regularly interacted with his fans. he also did not ever claim to have "radical inclusivity" in mind when it came to his art and his life. amanda palmer, on the other hand, has done all of these things. not only is your argument - that artists don't merit criticism - incredibly fallacious, but it elides all of the major differences between a canonical author one might read in English as an undergrad and amanda palmer.
she is anti-status quo. she is anti-making people feel bad. for this reason, letting her know when people DO end up feeling bad, because of her art, is very important. fans should not just be fans - they are also participants in creating art, which includes giving valuable criticism and feedback when necessary. it is not a one-way street.

EdenBee [Moderator] 0 minutes ago in reply to pensata
1. Being human allows me to make whatever argument I feel is worth making, privilege or no.
2. I never said artists don't merit criticism. But writing to someone and telling them they need to radically change their project to make it all better for other people isn't criticism. It's attempting to rewrite another person's art.

Argument #2: (my favourite)

EdenBee [Moderator] 1 day ago
A point that I don't think has come up here (though I apologize if it has).
I've long had an interest in the history of vaudeville, sideshows, traveling carnivals, etc. I've read up and watched a lot about them.
One common thread that at first surprised me but that I did come to understand with repeated exposure was the point of view of the people who had been on display and toured as "freaks" in some of these shows. They almost universally expressed sadness at the end of the acceptability of this practice. In interviews, many stated that they enjoyed showing off their uniqueness, because in that context it was something special about them, whether it was admired or reviled, and not something to be awkwardly ignored by strangers on the street. In the era in which these people lived, these shows provided an opportunity to turn what in normal society might be a crippling handicap into a way to make a good living, and to be surrounded by other people who were different in their own ways, and who could act as a support system and family group. Most of the people I've seen and read in interviews were angry that protests by well-meaning outsiders had destroyed a way of life that they had come to love. They weren't thankful that people had stopped "exploiting" them. They felt their freedom to pursue a life they loved had been taken away from them by people who were offended on their behalf.
There are still people with physical differences and disabilities who choose to come together to put on contemporary "freak shows" in the old style of spectacle and exaggeration, and who still love the life they've chosen.
I'm not going to opine either way on this. I just thought I'd bring up this side of the history that this show touches upon.

BrookeA [Moderator] 1 day ago in reply to EdenBee
Okay...but, those are REAL people who are choosing what voice they have in this world.

EdenBee [Moderator] 23 hours ago in reply to BrookeA
Yes, they are.
And the fictional people don't have a say in how they're represented because they're... fictional. It's a problem shared by fictional people everywhere. I don't really follow your point here.


Look at me not neglecting my livejournal!


Will actually write an entry when I'm less exhausted and not so borderline comatose. Sigh. At least I skimmed my friends list tonight. :P

Jun. 16th, 2009


It's summer, and I should be feeling pretty amazing. Instead, I feel like I've been hit by the SAD of February, and just want to eat ice cream and cheese and sleep a lot. I seem to be entering some kind of gloomy hibernation mode, which would make perfect sense if I lived in the opposite hemisphere.

Exercise isn't helping. Two summers ago, I was in the best shape of my life (no really!) and was biking everywhere for a good two hours a day. I was a ridiculous powerhouse of strength. This year, exercise just makes my legs hurt for two days and actually worsens my excessive need for sleep.

I'm not drawing anywhere near enough, and I feel totally overwhelmed if my to-do list has more than two items on it. I think maybe I've gotten soft and have developed an allergy to effort. When there's a gun to my head, it's a different story. I may cry, whine, complain, panic, but I get shit done (see colouring book). I know I'm capable of more, but without the magic of a deadline screaming at me, I'm paralyzed. I have no adrenaline, therefore no momentum, therefore inertia.

Also... I think I've been so worried about trying to make art for money that it's just sapped the joy right out of the process. I'm approaching it too tentatively, and censoring myself too automatically in an effort to make something "that will sell." Fact is, I'm just not able to paint horizontal red tree paintings -- my soul screams out in agony, or something -- so I really may as well just go full on into weird instead of trying to hover in some weird in-between space.

Meanwhile, just blllleeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

Oddly poetic hotmail spam...

The Vagina Diologues: A Dildo Queen Cums Clean‏

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But I ask you, could anyone actually resist the
the temptations of such mind bending pleasures once
they have experienced them?

Could you?

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